Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
