Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
