did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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