In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's rum buckets o'clock
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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