Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
