either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize