LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
