I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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