i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
