is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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