I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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