nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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