her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
