I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize