oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
