drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
