You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
