i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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