Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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