apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
