I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
