Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
