i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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