I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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