so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
