Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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