So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
