Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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