I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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