I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
