My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
