on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize