Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
