I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
