Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
