Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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