she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
