don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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