i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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