Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just tell him i said nine months
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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