i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
