So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
