Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and she was petting her beer can
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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