funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
