Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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