Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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