you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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