32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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