evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I died a long time ago.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
