To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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