After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
sex in a hospital.. check
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize