I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
