Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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