By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize