Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize