Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
