They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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