I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
