No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
