i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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