Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
