Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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