And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
