are you still at the devil's house?
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
