dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
