my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
