Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize