never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
