it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize