Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
