go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
