you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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