angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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