I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
