At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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