Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
