sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
