I am puke
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
