oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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