My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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